Sunday, May 25, 2008

Sisterspeak: What if you were wrong?

From: Irileria Muhammad
Sisterspeak for the Week.....What if you were wrong?

What if you were wrong about the choices you made in your life? Would you be able to correct them? Would you have the courage to correct them?

A large portion of our lives are lived according to preset rules that no one asked our opinions on. Sometimes the rules may have served a purpose, but sometimes they don't. For instance, why is it a given that when couple splits up, the woman gets custody of the children? Would our society really crumble if more men were the primary parents? Why is it a "good" thing to get up and go to the same job everyday for 30 years? We reward people for that type of dedication. Couldn't that also be fear and uncertainty at work? We all know some people who are miserable in relationships; however, they are encouraged to stay together. I know a couple that has really made me rethink marriage. They have been together for over 35 years and they are two of the most bitter people I know. Well, one is bitter and the other has just been beaten down under a 35 year barrage of verbal and emotional abuse. Nonetheless, I am expecting an invitation to their anniversary party any day now.

Why are we so hesitant to change our minds? The universe and everything in it evolves? Why don't we? Why don't we operate out of the water portion of our composition and become more fluid? Why don't we encourage each other to step out on faith more often? We are like concrete. We praise it for its strength and stability, yet it is also very hard and unforgiving. We crave this strange sense of sameness and routine that I find stagnant and depressing. We have a jailhouse lifestyle. In prison, the inmates pretty much have the same day over and over and over and over. There is very little chance for change. Most of us live like that without the confinement of space. Well, when you consider that you work at the same place, shop at the same place, worship at the same place, eat at the same place, drive the same route home from work, then I must retract that statement because there is an element of being confined to a particular space. In Houston, you know that the Northside sticks to the Northside and South to South. In Detroit, the East doesn't come to the West and vice versa.

I am looking at my life and realize that I was wrong about some things. I picked the wrong major in college. I picked some bad friends. I did for people who did not do for me. I asked the wrong people for help, and I helped the wrong people. I chose to alienate some members of my family. I refuse to be friends with some people who might not be as bad as I have made them out to be. School....easy...I am back in school majoring in what I wanted to major in when I was at TSU. Relationships, I am making better choices. Leaving when I know I should and respecting my needs and wants above all else. I am letting go of grudges and working on being able to make changes in who and what I am, and recognizing and owning up to the poor choices that I have made, and the things that I have been wrong about. I am willing to admit that I was wrong, and not stick to my guns which is what many of us are taught to do.

If something is genuinely not working for us, why in the world do we keep trying to "work it out". "It will get better"...what if it doesn't? "This will pass"...what if it doesn't? "He/she will be better if I stay"....What if they won't? "He/She will crumble if I leave".....What if they won't? "WE can make it work"...What if we can't? What if you were wrong about the whole situation from day one and you never should have started that situation/job/relationship/friendship/business/etc.....can you let it go? OR the reverse what if you should have started that relationship/created that business/ been that friend/etc...can you start doing that today?

What is more important than your happiness? For me NOTHING! If the archangel Gabriel came to you and said that you would die in exactly 5 years, what would yo do? Why aren't you doing that today?

If we can learn to be wrong then, the possibilities are endless. If we didn't have to be who we are, then who could we be? Jesus said that he came to give us life and to give it more abundantly.....exactly what are we doing abundantly? Not routinely, but abundantly....Well...I am getting off of my box today, but I hope that someone reading this will decide that everyday does not have to be the same day, and that we don't have to be prisoners to our circumstances because we can always change our circumstances......IF YOU WANT WHAT YOU NEVER HAD, YOU MUST BE WILLING TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE NEVER DONE!!!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world."

Living in the light,

Irileria Muhammad


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Maryee said...


What a reflexive post. Thanks for sharing. I feel ya on making bad choices in the past. Continue to share love and light!

Many blessings to you...

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you'reholding onto the past & it's making you sad. Hope you get over it.