Black Marriage Day 2010 - By Sherri L. Smith
http://www.blackmarriageday.com/Black_Marriage_Day/Welcome.html

Don’t let the media fool you. Black love is a alive and well and not just black love, black marriage. If you don’t believe me, just take a look at the Obamas. Despite all the articles highlighting the plight of single, professional black women and their inadvertent march into spinsterdom, there are African-American men and women who are taking the plunge. Despite all the stereotypes about no good black men and unruly black women, there are couples that chose to look past the negativity and embrace love — and each other. Not only are they jumping the proverbial broom, they’re sticking it out, raising families, and taking all of life’s up and downs in stride and most importantly together.

In celebration of the sanctity of marriage and stability of the African-American family, married black couples are celebrating the eighth annual Black Marriage Day. Taking place on the fourth Sunday of March, married black couples celebrate their union through a serious of galas, workshops, and other activities. To instill the virtues of marriage to the next generation, many communities throw Tom Thumb weddings and hold seminars. According to the Associated Press, the founder of the day, Nisa Muhammad, estimates there will be 300 events across the country celebrating the joys of being black and married.

To get the world out about black marriage and maybe get some folks closer to taking the walk, the Wedded Bliss Foundation is releasing the documentary “You Saved Me”. Set to debut in 25 cities, the film “features candid looks inside the hardships and trials of relationships and what is required to sustain them. Filmmakers Lamar and Ronnie Tyler bring five real married couples to the screen who show how marriage has a direct impact on their lives.”

http://www.blackmarriageday.com/Black_Marriage_Day/Welcome.html
Another initiative is to encourage married couples to renew their vows in honor of Tyler Perry’s new film “Why Did I Get Married Too?” The event is focused around five cities including Dallas, Atlanta, and Washington D.C.

“This year the passion for celebrating Black Marriage Day is bigger and better than ever,” Muhammad said. “Marriage matters to the Black community, and we want everyone to know.”

http://ybpguide.com/2010/03/26/celebrate-black-love-on-black-marriage-day/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ybpguide+%28Young+Black+Professional+Guide%29

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Entire Senior Class attends College

Prep Academy senior Keith Greer, along with his classmates, celebrates the news they will receive a free prom in Chicago because 100 percent of the graduating class was accepted into 4-year colleges or universities. (Tribune photo by Heather Charles / March 5
The entire senior class at Chicago 's only public all-male, all-African-American high school has been accepted to four-year colleges. At last count, the 107 seniors had earned spots at 72 schools across the nation.

Mayor Richard Daley and Chicago Public Schools chief Ron Huberman surprised students at an all-school assembly at Urban Prep Academy for Young Men in Englewood this morning to congratulate them. It's the first graduating class at Urban Prep since it opened its doors in 2006.
Huberman applauded the seniors for making CPS shine.

"All of you in the senior class have shown that what matters is perseverance, what matters is focus, what matters is having a dream and following that dream," Huberman said.

The school enforces a strict uniform of black blazers, khaki pants and red ties -- with one exception. After a student receives the news he was accepted into college, he swaps his red tie for a red and gold one at an assembly.

The last 13 students received their college ties today, to thunderous applause.

Ask Rayvaughn Hines what college he was accepted to and he'll answer with a question.

"Do you want me to name them all?"

For the 18-year-old from Back of the Yards, college was merely a concept--never a goal--growing up. Even within the last three years, he questioned if school, let alone college, was for him. Now, the senior is headed to the prestigious Morehouse College in Atlanta, Ga. next fall.

Hines remembers the moment he put on his red and gold tie.

"I wanted to take my time because I was just so proud of myself," he said. "I wanted everyone to see me put it on."

The achievement might not merit a mayoral visit at one of the city's elite, selective enrollment high schools. But Urban Prep, a charter school that enrolls using a lottery in one of the city's more troubled neighborhoods, faced difficult odds. Only 4 percent of this year's senior class read at grade level as freshmen, according to Tim King, the school's CEO.

"I never had a doubt that we would achieve this goal," King said. "Every single person we hired knew from the day one that this is what we do: We get our kids into college."

College is omnipresent at the school. Before the students begin their freshman year, they take a field trip to Northwestern University. Every student is assigned a college counselor the day he steps foot in the school.

The school offers an extended day--170,000 more minutes over four years compared to its counterparts across the city--and more than double the number of English credits usually needed to graduate.

Even the school's voicemail has a student declaring "I am college bound" before it asks callers to dial an extension.

Normally, it takes senior Jerry Hinds two buses and 45 minutes to get home from school. On Dec. 11, the day University of Illinois at Champaign- Urbana was to post his admission decisions online at 5 p.m., he asked a friend to drive him home.

He went into his bedroom, told his well-wishing mother this was something he had to do alone, closed the door and logged in.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" he remembers screaming. His mother, who didn't dare stray far, burst in and began crying.

That night he made more than 30 phone calls, at times shouting "I got in" on his cell phone and home phone at the same time.

"We're breaking barriers," he said. "And that feels great."
http://www.urbanprep.org/

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Ella Mae Johnson: Her Story Was History

Click this link to listen to her story.

March 24, 2010
Ella Mae Johnson was a witness to more than a century of African-American history, and last year, on Inauguration Day, she was determined to be in Washington to see Barack Obama sworn in as president. When she died at home in Cleveland this week, at the age of 106, she felt that trip to the nation's capital was a highlight of her life. It also changed her life.

Johnson was a pioneering professional woman. In 1926, when she'd gone to graduate school to become a social worker, she was the first black student. But she wasn't allowed to live on campus.
She dealt with such slights throughout her life with an air of formality and dignity.
But on Inauguration Day, she was willing to look a little silly in order to sit outside in the bitter cold for seven hours. She put on an elegant jacket and put on her pearl necklace. But in her wheelchair, she let her nurse cover her from head to toe in a bright blue sleeping bag, with just her round glasses and her nose peeking through the puffy fabric.

The trip from Judson Park, her upscale assisted living facility in Cleveland, had been exhausting. She talked about what Obama's presidency meant to her. "My hope for him is my hope for the country," she explained. "If he fails, the country fails. He knows, and he says, 'Not me, but you. Not us, but all of us.' "

There was a surprise that came out of that trip to Washington: A book editor heard her story on NPR and offered her a contract. Next month, her memoir will be published. It's called It Is Well With My Soul: The Extraordinary Life Of A 106-Year-Old Woman.

When the galley proof for her book arrived recently, she picked it up and kissed it. She was proud that she'd leave that legacy.

"Ella Mae's real lesson is that compassion is what will get you through life," says her co-writer Patricia Mulcahy. "She was orphaned when she was only 4 years old, and literally raised by the next-door neighbors. And this incredible example of compassion, outreach, whatever you want to call it, informed the rest of her life."

She'd gotten help from others, too, when she needed money to go to college. In 1921, women from her town in Texas gave her a scholarship to go to Fisk University in Nashville, Tenn. Later she would do graduate work at what is now Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland.
After she graduated, she wanted to turn things around. She wanted to be the one who gave to others. So she became a social worker. She was always reaching out to someone or raising money for some cause.

Last year, over Thanksgiving weekend, she had a stroke. She didn't want to let other people take care of her. She'd try to walk and she'd fall.

Her friend Betty Miller talks about the loving letter that came from one of her two sons. "He just wrote her a letter. E-mailed it to me, and I printed it out," Miller recalls. "And he just told her she'd been a social worker for years helping others, she'd been compassionate, now this is her time to get some help. This is her time to accept the fact that she's 106 years old. She read it and I said, 'Ella Mae, do you understand it?' And she said, 'I'll try.' "

There was one last act of determination. When Johnson died Monday evening, she died where she wanted. She was out of the hospital. She was out of the nursing home. She died in her apartment at her assisted living facility.

She was surrounded by friends, many of them from her church. And as Johnson died, Betty Miller was reading the 23rd Psalm — Ella Mae Johnson's favorite.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125067488

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Leading By Example - Dan Tres Omi

http://www.facebook.com/reqs.php#!/notes/dan-tres-omi/no-title/371407868602

Leading by Example: Parenting and Reading
Dan Tres Omi

If there is anything I learned about being a parent after 15 years of being a father, is that practicality works best. Like most scholars, I enjoy learning about the latest study or book on child rearing. Sometimes, it's good to know that the best practices my wife and I put into play are backed up by science. I will admit that sometimes, scientists and I don't see eye to eye. You know the adage: what's good for the geese may not be good for the gander.

Many parents ask me how we keep our children reading. I usually give them a set of practices we apply in our home to help make reading fun and engaging. Some of these work on some children and some of these don't work on some children. Every child is different and every child learns on different levels and degrees. Some children are visual learners and other are auditory. There are so many factors involved and when it comes down to it, each parent knows his or her child much better than anyone else does.

One thing everyone can agree on whether it's a neurologist or someone's grandmother from the old country is that children follow by example. If you ask them not to break the rules, and then you turn around and break them, they will do exactly as you do. So I don't hide when Jehovah Witnesses knock at my door.

If you want your children to read, the best practice is to pick up a book yourself. If anything, you should surround yourself with other readers and discuss books frequently around your children. Not only should you build them a library but you should have one yourself before they are even conceived. You want your children to grow up in a household where books and self education is part of the environment.

In my opinion, reading is like eating. It should be something that should be enjoyed, shared, and discussed. A book should be rated by it's nutritional value as well. So we have to watch what we read. All of our children read because my wife, my siblings, my friends, my co-workers, and I read. Our children also watch us discuss and exchange books with people all the time.
We visit book stores and libraries together and separately. We make a show of it. It's another safe haven for dialogue and a place for us to share information and special times with our friends and family.

So before you yell at your child for not reading, make sure you have a gang of books on your bookshelf. If you don't, put away those dvds and blu ray discs and start on that library. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

http://www.facebook.com/reqs.php#!/notes/dan-tres-omi/no-title/371407868602

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I don't eat negroes - Vic Power

"Pellot enters a whites-only restaurant in the south. Upon being told by the waitress that the restaurant didn't serve "Negroes", Pellot told the waitress not to worry, that he didn't eat "Negroes", he just wanted some rice and beans.

Pellot (birth name: Victor Felipe Pellot Pove), born in Arecibo, Puerto Rico, was the second child in a family of six. Pellot showed an interest in baseball at a young age, however his father didn't want him to play baseball and would punish him if he caught him doing so. When he was 13 years old, his father died and it was only then that he was able to play the game he loved. His mother moved to the City of Caguas, there he attended and graduated from José Gautier Benítez High School. In 1946 he started to practice with a local baseball team called the Senadores de San Juan (San Juan Senators) and learned many of his baseball skills. He was later invited to play for the Criollos de Caguas, where he was spotted by a New York Yankees scout. In 1949, he left for the City of Chicago and went to play for a minor league team in Drummondville, Quebec.

He was signed by the Yankees in 1951, and sent to their Triple-A team in Syracuse, New York. In 1953, even though he was the minor league batting champion, he was not invited to spring training. Had the Yankees not picked Elston Howard over him, he would have most likely been the first black and Puerto Rican to have been a member of the Yankees.[3] Many blacks and Puerto Ricans protested in front of Yankee Stadium in response to what is believed to have been a racially motivated decision.[4]

Pellot's choice of name caused resentment and alienation, particularly in his home land of Puerto Rico. In a letter to historian Bill Haber in 1993, Pellot gave his real, full name as Victor Felipe Pellot Pove; Pove being his mother's maiden name and Pellot his father's surname (as is traditional in Hispanic culture; see Roberto Clemente Walker). However, when Maximina Pove was in the first grade, her teacher mistakenly corrected her last name, changing the "v" to a "w" and adding an "r" at the end.[2]

During Pellot's first two professional seasons, in the French-Canadian town of Drummondville, Quebec, Pellot went by his birth name, Victor Pellot. However, Pellot noticed that the mostly French-speaking crowd began to laugh whenever his name was announced. Initially, Pellot surmised that the crowd was laughing because he was black. This turned out to be incorrect, and Pellot soon learned that the real source of the laughter was not his race, but his last name: the similar-sounding word plotte is slang for "vagina" in the Quebec French.[3] In response, he played under the name of "Vic Power." He kept the name after getting promoted to the majors in United States, but retained "Pellot" when playing winter ball in Puerto Rico.[2] The circumstances behind the user of the "Pellot" and "Power" surnames were not known to most winter league fans at the time, and Pellot was occasionally accused of "selling out" to the culture and lifestyle of the US.

In 1954, he was recruited by the Philadelphia Athletics and thus became the first Puerto Rican to play for that team. Suffering from the racial discrimination which was rampant in the nation during that time, he could neither stay with the rest of the team at the same hotels nor be allowed to eat at the same restaurants as his white teammates. The Athletics moved to Kansas City in 1955, where he finished in second place in the batting race that season. He is one of only five batters, through August 2009, to have hit both a leadoff and walkoff home run in the same game (having done so in 1957), the others being Billy Hamilton (1893), Darin Erstad (2000), Reed Johnson (2003), and Ian Kinsler (2009).[5]
In 1958, he was then sent to the Cleveland Indians. During his 12-season career, he played with the Philadelphia and Kansas City Athletics (1954-58); Cleveland Indians (1958-61), Minnesota Twins (1962-64), Los Angeles Angels (1964), Philadelphia Phillies (1964) and California Angels (1965).

Before retiring, he won seven Gold Glove Awards (in consecutive seasons 1958-1964) and was a four time American League All-Star (Kansas City Athletics 1955 & 1956, Cleveland Indians 1959 & 1960). He was also voted the Minnesota Twins Most Valuable Player (MVP) in 1962. He has the record of having made one or more assists in 16 consecutive games[6]. He shares the record of making two unassisted double plays in one game, and he is one of 11 players to steal home plate twice in one game, and he also shares the record of being assists leader for six years in a row and of double plays in a single game. Among his career totals are the following: 1,716 hits and 126 home runs, and he was only struck out 247 times out of 6,046 at bats.[7]

Pellot spent his retirement in Guaynabo, Puerto Rico. The City built a ballpark, which he could see from the window of his apartment, and named it "Parque Victor Pellot" (Victor Pellot Park), after him. During the summers, he helped the youngsters of the community in their sports skills development. According to Pellot, young people would most likely stay away from trouble and have a better opportunity to enter college on sports scholarships if they practiced sports. Pellot also coached, and among his pupils, either as a coach or as an educator of the sport were future Major League Baseball players Roberto Alomar, José Oquendo, Jerry Morales, Willie Montañez and José Cruz.[citation needed] Pellot died on November 29, 2005 in San Juan, Puerto Rico from cancer at the age of 78.

Victor Pellot has been considered by many islanders to have been one of Puerto Rico's greatest baseball players and a legend. In 2005, he spoke about his baseball career in the American documentary Beisbol,[8] directed by Alan Swyer and narrated by Esai Morales, which covers the early influences and contributions of Hispanics to baseball. In 2000, the Cleveland Indians honored him by declaring him to be among its 100 all-time greatest players.
Pellot's unorthodox and often flashy approach to fielding first base proved over the years to be very influential. Although at the time he was often criticized by the press and his peers for fielding the ball using only one hand instead of two, this would later become his trademark move.[2] More importantly, it anticipated a change in how the position is played: nowadays, virtually all first basemen field the ball one-handed (this because it increases their reach and provides for greater flexibility).

Pellot is also remembered by baseball historians and fans for his sharp wit and dark, deadpan humor, a lot of which was directed at the racism and segregation he experienced during spring training in the southern United States. One of the more celebrated examples of his dark wit by which Pellot subverted the ugly rejection experienced through institutionalized racism, documented in David Maraniss's biography of Roberto Clemente, has Pellot entering a whites-only (segregated) restaurant in the south. Upon being told by the waitress that the restaurant didn't serve "Negroes", Pellot promptly told the waitress not to worry, that he didn't eat "Negroes", he just wanted some rice and beans. [9]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victor_Pellot

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No tough guy bravado here - Dan Tres

Tough Guy Bravado: Outdated and Overrated

By Dan Tres Omi

http://selfra.blogspot.com/2009/07/tough-guy-bravado-outdated-and.html

I know that I am tired of men trying to pose. I could understand that certain times and places call for it. I grew up in the projects. I understand how it goes down. I will say that at a certain point in my life, I decided not to conform to the nonsense. I am not a stick up kid, I don't sell drugs, and I definitely don't want any parts of thug life. Tupac can keep that ethos.

So at a young age, I decided to go past the universal head nod. When I see someone else I don't know within my vicinity, I smile and say "Peace" or "How are you, sir?" if it is someone older than me. Most of the time and in most places people return this greeting in kind. Oftentimes, they are surprised.

I don't know if it's because I am older or if I am married with children. I dislike the fact that people expect to me play this role whether I am in the barber shop, supermarket, park, or bus stop. I was never good at false projections of masculinity and patriarchy. I tried it and didn't like it. I refuse to play the role of either victim or victimizer. It's a trap that we allow ourselves to fall into and at the end of the day we all lose.

The other day, I took my babies to the park. As I pulled up, there were several cars playing loud music. This is rare at the park we usually go to. As a matter of fact, I rarely see men at the park even playing basketball. As I pulled up, I noticed several young men stop whatever they were discussing and just stare. I got out of my car and said "Peace!" and received no reply. I kept it moving.I helped my children get out of the car and closed all the doors. That was when the music hit me. Normally, I have my system pumping loud. I normally play Erykah Badu, Fela Kuti, James Brown, or samba music. I usually play something the babies can sing along to. When I am by myself it's usually an audio book or NPR. I normally don't pay any mind to what other people are playing. One of these cats were playing some crazy stuff. All I could hear was the b-word, the fothermucker word, and a bunch of words I don't think no one's babies should be listening to. And these guys were right by the park.

So I walk up, children in tow."Peace!" I say again. I am greeted with the universal nod.

"Ya'll not gonna say peace?" I demand.

I got some "wassups" and one or two "oh my fault, wassup!"

"Do me a favor?" I cut in. "Can you turn that music down? I don't think the children should be hearing that stuff."

Everyone paused. Some looked at each other.

I was about to repeat my request until someone walked over and turned off the music.

"Thank you, sir. I appreciate it."

No one said anything and just looked at me. I got it. The ball was in my court. I could have said something else. I could tell they were not happy and wanted me to say "something" that would provoke. Wrong dude.

I turned around and talked to my children as if nothing happened."You guys want to play manhunt?"

"Yes!" They shouted in unison.

I could feel their stares boring into me. As I walked away, I sensed the scheming whispers. I refused to let it ruin our day. So I kept it moving.

No tough guy bravado here.

http://selfra.blogspot.com/2009/07/tough-guy-bravado-outdated-and.html

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The African Joan of Arc

From http://www.theblackhandofgod.com/

Four hundred years ago, amidst magic, warfare, and the relentless thirst for slaves, an extraordinary African woman helped shape the New World thousands of miles away.
Where colonial priests perverted the Word of God, kingdoms imploded, crippled by greed, corruption, and a confused morality.

The African "Joan of Arc" reconciled indigenous spiritual beliefs with the Euro-centric teachings of the Christian Church and gave her people equality before God. She started a movement that helped millions face their coming hardships with dignity and grace.
Especially since so many American slaves came from the region where she lived, her teachings helped form an integral part of the American persona.

Kimpa Vita (Dona Beatriz)
Lebone Lumbu (formerly Elaine M. Lumbu), 2005Kimpa Vita c.1684 to 1706, Congo BrazzavilleDemocratic Republic of CongoNorthern Angola
In recent history Africa has been home to a number of Spiritual icons, who have inevitably changed the face of Christianity by creating Indigenous African Churches.
(Download a 13 page document detailing Kimpa Vita)

As our concern for satisfying our bodily needs grows day by day, it is almost unbelievable that we are primarily created soul. We are more than our bodies. Personally I derive proof of this as a result of learning about a truly remarkable African woman not so long ago by the name of Kimpa Vita (Dona Beatriz). Before I give a brief account of her life and history I would like to share one of her prophecies: She announced that she would return as a man in future and build a huge Church independent of Rome.

The 17th century gave birth to an icon called Kimpa Vita Dona Beatriz. She concerned herself with the restoration, spiritually and politically, of the Kongo Kingdom. Born in 1684 Kimpa Vita worked as a religious actor[kp1] and was mostly isolated from the rest of her peers. At the time when the Kongo was dominated by political unrest and civil war. Therefore Kimpa Vita’s religious ideology came as an answer to the prayers of many Kongolese people. In her message she combined traditional Kongolese culture with Christianity. Her first prediction (1703) was that God would punish the Kongo. Later she fell ill and claimed that the spirit of saint Anthony possessed her. Saint Anthony was a Catholic priest and miracle worker. She announced that the spirit of saint Anthony would allow her direct access to the other world and that she would die every Friday to be resurrected again on Mondays. During her time away she would receive instructions from God, which she relayed to the Kongo. Kimpa Vita denounced traditional ceremonies and ordered the burning of fetishes by the Kongo people. She said that sacraments like marriage, confession and baptism are meaningless to God because God knows one’s intentions.

She believed that the Christ who founded Christianity 17 centuries ago and his disciples were indeed Kongolese (Black Africans). She placed the birth of Jesus Christ within the Kongo and Sao Salvador as the biblical Bethlehem, claiming that God wanted it restored as capital. Her message became so popular it could be called a Spiritual renaissance. This threatened the influence of the Catholic Church amongst the African people. The Movement was called Antonian. Even though it integrated Kongolese culture with Christianity, the Catholic priests drove the supporters of Kimpa Vita away. Some were imprisoned and beaten daily for their convictions.

In 1706 Kimpa Vita gave birth to a son after two miscarriages. She continued to emphasize the closeness of God to the African people, which was a unifying factor amongst Antonians. The establishment of the Antonian movement and its consequent success led to the arrest of Kimpa Vita, her son and her associates. They were charged with heresy. The miracle working by Kimpa Vita was described as “kindoki” or the use of supernatural powers. Kimpa Vita and her infant son were burned at the stake as a “witch” under the watchful eye of a capuchin priest who helped in convicting her.

This brutal execution did not have the effect, which the Catholic community hoped for. Instead Antonianism spread from Sao Salvador to other provinces in the Kongo. Pedro Constantininho became the successor of the movement. The success of this movement is primarily attributed to the fact that Kimpa Vita was believed to reveal the original ethnicity of Jesus Christ and his apostles. She portrayed the Kongo as a place of Biblical importance.With the birth of Simon Kimbangu two centuries later one can almost say that Kimpa Vita is back. As a devoted Kimbanguist I learned that Kimbanguisme is based on the same principals, which Kimpa Vita expressed more than two hundred years ago. Simon Kimbangu also banned the old superstitious practices and dismantled the cults, which offered themselves as vehicles of spiritual contact. He encouraged people to pray to God through Jesus Christ, interpreted as a common ancestor and mediator. Both Kimpa Vita and Kimbangu preached a special relationship between God and the African people.

Beatrice Kimpa Vita was born in 1684 in the kingdom of Kongo. While still in her teens, she started a non-violent mission to liberate the Kingdom of Kongo and return it to its former glory. She fought all the forms of slavery, and tried to reconcile Christianity with African religions and beliefs, teaching people that black saints mingled with white saints in paradise. This was revolutionary, since Catholic priests in the area (Capuchins) taught that ONLY white saints could be found in heaven. Kimpa Vita led thousands of her people to rebuild and repopulate Mbanza Kongo, the capital of the once glorious unified Kingdom of Kongo. On July 2, 1706, she was burned at the stake for heresy. In 1710, the perpetrators sent a report of their "mission" to the pope, after having organized the persecution of her followers.

The Impact of Her Action

In 1739, some of her followers, sold as slaves in America, carried out the revolt well known as the "Stono rebellion" in South Carolina, and her teachings also may have inspired the action of former Kongo slaves, during the revolt which led to the independence of Haiti in 1804.

Dona Beatrice is today regarded as a prophetess and a symbol of non-violent resistance in Africa, inspiring many political and religious leaders in Congo and Angola. In fact, she is widely credited as being the founder of the first Black Christian movement in sub-Saharan Africa.

Importance and Interest of Her RehabilitationThe French people rehabilitated Jeanne d' Arc (Joan of Arc) five centuries after her death. She then became "Sainte Jeanne d' Arc"(Saint-Joan of Arc), in spite of the controversy around her life. Dona Beatrice Kimpa Vita was a victim of the religious intolerance and racism raging in her country and continent. Despite her accomplishments, Pope Paul VI rejected a request for her rehabilitation in 1966.

Informative Links About Kimpa Vita:

http://www.katinkahesselink.net/his/kimpavita.htmla.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kimpa_Vita

http://www.dacb.org/stories/congo/kimpa_vita.html

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Male Privilege, Blaming, and Whining - Dan Tres

Male Privilege, Blaming, and Whining - Omi Note

By Dan Tres Omi

Contrary to popular belief, most men I interact with actually talk about relationships. They talk about what they want, what they don't like, who they are seeing, and other things that the mainstream media seems to mythologize. We might not make an evening of it and we may not come to huge life changing revelations, but we talk about it. We might not come up with solutions but we learn much about one another. Do I wish we can talk about it some more? Sure I do, but it gets done. We don't always have to reach a logical conclusion or find a solution to someone's problems if there is one.

One thing I take issue with and I am very adamant about is privilege. Male privilege affords men several rights and statuses that are denied women. These rights and statuses are across the board and can be found in religion, work, school, and even our social circles. While male privilege in religion, work and school are things that need to be tackled on a personal and a political level, the ones we can fix much faster is how we interact in our day to day social interactions.I often find men who are hurt or were hurt by women blame women for mistreating "good" men. I use to believe in this "Woe is me, the good man" Bible. I blamed women, even the good ones, for hurting good men for one reason or another. I blamed part of the "relationship problems" between men and women on those women who "mistreated" good men. The crazy part is that I often hear people, both men and women, make this statement as if it were fact. Personally, I find this excuse to be tremendously ridiculous.

You heard the story, "women mess up good men by mistreating them, that's why alot of men dog women." As if men or women need an excuse to mistreat one another. It again places the relationship problems we have on women. When talking to my male friends and they bring up this tale of woe, I laugh. Pretty much, they sound like whiny children. I don't mean to belittle or demean someone's emotions. To be honest, it would be better to say, "You know brother, she really hurt my feelings...." That would be more honest and gets to the actual heart of the matter.

Sometimes we don't know why people hurt us. We expect other people to get hurt and when it happens to us, it comes as quite a shock. It's easier for us to try to create ideas and reasons as to why people hurt us emotionally when in the end, we might not have any clue. Making assumptions don't help. But to try to explain away all relationship problems by blaming all women for something that happened to you personally its not productive.

So how does male privilege come into this?

We "rebound." We don't rebound because we are detached creatures. Men are just as emotional as women we just tend to bury those emotions. We rebound because we can. In almost all levels and areas in our society, men outnumber women. We can easily find another young lady to date. In most cases, a man just has to have a pulse to get a date. However, the numbers do not imply privilege. What implies privilege is that society (actually people) allows for men to date any desired number of women at a time whereas a woman cannot do the same. It is frowned upon if a woman dates several men at one time. As a matter of fact, it is not taboo for men to sleep with several women at the same time even if he is honest about it.

I often hear my male friends say "I'm a good guy, I don't rob or kill or been to jail." The first thing I say is "don't give yourself props for something you are SUPPOSED to be doing." It is also important to note that 98% of the rest of the population isn't robbing or killing or going to jail.I also explain that maybe you are not that exceptional. I also ask if this person knows whether the women who "scorned" him was actually feeling him like that. Sometimes people realize that the person their dating is not up to standard. That might come as quite a shock to some of you brothers, but it's true.

That's where male privilege rears it's ugly head. As men, we feel entitled. "What's wrong with me?" we ask. "I'm have a good job, college educated, don't cause any trouble, etc..." "Why did she leave me?" Boo hoo. Ironically, we are quick to blame women in high flying careers for being "too" successful (whatever that means) which we erroneously believe is why they can't find a decent mate. Yet when we are in the same predicament, we blame women again. Well, brother, you might not be all that.In the end, stop whining and get over it. There is always room for improvement and we can't always win. There is no need to blame an entire gender for it.

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Things I've Learned - Dan Tres Omi

The things I have learned so far in this Journey called life...

By Dan Tres Omi

And it goes a little something like this:

1. Love, just do it! -- When I say that I don't mean that we should forget reciprocity. Be for who, who be for you. Today while reading to Zumbi's class, a little girl raised her hand and asked, "can I give you a hug?" I told her no. Not because I didn't want to. I am a hugger, but I know how some parents can get about a stranger hugging his or her child (then again, everyone in school knows me). At the end of the story, she ran up and hugged me anyway. So love, folks. Don't hesitate (just remember reciprocity is important). I gave her a book and challenged her to read it to the class. From experience, I can say that the people who love me back far outweigh, outclass, and outnumber those who didn't.

2. You can't save everyone -- I know, I know. One would think this is a lesson I should have learned already. Well, I actually relearn this lesson about once a week. I can't help it. I am a fanatical optimist. I get it from my mother. On a serious note, this too can be dangerous so we must be careful. Some folks will just drain our energy and not lose a wink of sleep. We also have to choose our battles wisely.

3. "I eat, you eat" -- That is a term I heard over and over in 2009 and now in 2010. I know that with the recession, many of us have reverted to our socialist leanings. Actually, let me rephrase that. We have reverted to the way our ancestors moved. They shared. Everyone came through. Then someone else shared. So on and so forth. We have to go back to that. It's the only way we will survive any disaster.

4. Life is actually long -- So you might as well have fun. I hear people say that life is short. I disagree. Compared to most animals and insects, humans actually live for a long time. Compared to fruit flies, humans are virtually immortal. With that said, take time to learn, to build, to explore, to share, and most of all to love.

5. Put the cell phones and other mobile devices down and talk! -- For those that know me, they know I love to build. Whether I am on line at the bank, walking down the street, or shoveling snow, I am going to build with someone. I think it's a shame that when we are in a large gathering of people, we go to our mobile devices and talk to someone else who is probably sitting around with a group of people. Big up to brothers and sisters on the long, cold line in Brooklyn. I had a great time trying to find Sirius B.

6. Every little bit counts -- the last few years we have witnessed some ill disasters. Yes, it is overwhelming and daunting. However, we still have to give what we can. Many of us are not rich but we have legs. Many of us are not Ph.d's but we can still think. Many of us are not artists, but we can paint, write, type, push, pick up, grab, hand off, etc. Get in where you fit in. Volunteering a few hours a week makes a difference. Trust. Oftentimes, when we think of huge movements we are only told about the leaders of those movements. We are never taught about the countless millions who did much of the dirty work (most of them being women). We are those countless millions who need to do much of the dirty work.Thank you everyone for having some part in teaching those lessons to me. They will not be forgotten.

Dan Tres Omi

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How We deal with the Sisters

Black Consciousness and How We deal with the Sisters -
OMi's Note:

This is something that has been on my mind quite a bit in the last year or so. Too many brothers who I look up to and admire say one thing, but actually do the opposite. I have found that among the so called conscious community, we seem to be the most sexist and oppressive when it comes to our women. Many of us in the so called conscious community are closet misogynists but refuse to 'come out.' I also will refrain from defining "consciousness" because that term encompasses folks who are in so many belief systems and cultures that it would take an entire entry to specify. I do expect a large amount of backlash for this. Well, I make no apologies. I speak truth and dare anyone to prove me wrong. I am against the blame game but in this case, I have to make an exception because for some of us this is an issue of survival.

I enjoy building with my sister. She makes me look at things differently even when I am just listening to her speak, she causes the gears in my brain to turn. What's wonderful is that my sister challenges me. It's something that I applied to my friendships. All of her friends can agree with me on that. She is demanding but in a loving way. She asks the right questions and expects the truth. Anywhoos, one evening as I hung out with my sister and my wife, the topic somehow steered into the state of our relationships.

My sister pointed out that quite a few of my so called conscious brothers are failing so much when it comes to just even interacting with our sisters.My response of course was "well, I come from the school that every brother ain't a brother...""Well name me a few conscious brothers who are in functioning and committed relationships with sisters, " she answered. Now I know quite a few functioning and committed relationships. However, most of them are not with people I considered "conscious" or Pan Africanist in any way. I still love and appreciate them the same and don't treat them differently but when it comes to matters of black consciousness or Pan Africanism, I don't give them a call. So to be honest, I was speechless for a few minutes. I thought of only two. Two brothers who I know and love deeply who are in functioning and committed relationships. It is important that I emphasize the word "functioning" because I know quite a few people in dysfunctional relationships. So please keep that in mind. It's a shame that I even have to use that term. However, quite a few of the people I know are not in relationships that are healthy and some are in fact, dangerous. These are from the ones I know who consider themselves conscious.



We often speak of respecting our "Black queens." While this is well intentioned, it really misses the mark. When we say "queens," a good number of us mean "barefoot and pregnant" or we mean a white male patriarchal perception of that idea of womanhood (check "Fascinating Womanhood"). We want our "queens" to submit in more ways than one. While I dislike referring to myself as a "king," I think we need to be clear about how we throw those terms around. Inferring the term "queen," we further perpetuate the myth of the Black Superwoman (a blog post for yet another day). If a woman we encounter does that fit that standard, we deem her less than and consider her a "ho." When we think or say "queen," we even expect a dress code.This myth of the superwoman denies their humanity and does not allow them the freedom to choose. Women can be poets, playwrights, mathematicians, entrepreneurs, martial artists, etc. When calling them queens we are not allowing them that freedom to choose. It is just slavery by another name.

What bothers me the most however, is how I encounter many so called conscious brothers who masquerade as warriors but are really pimps. They read all the books, attend all the lectures, and know quite a few words in Metu Neter. Yet they seldom apply that information. Of course, there are charlatans in all cultures. However, many will kick the polygamy game or deflect blame onto the sisters. Many of us are also still caught up in the "it's none of our business" approach to our community and turn a blind eye to the abuse. We hold fast to the Christian ethos of being non judgemental despite our anti Christian rhetoric.

We speak of the importance of one of the principles of Ma'at,reciprocity, but continually fail to apply this even when we date. We want to take from our women but never want to give back. When a sister brings up a point, question, or rebuttal, we immediately dubbed them the dreaded "f" word (feminist) and call them all things eurocentric. If the sister is not singing our song of patriarchy and male privilege, they are quickly shunned. There is a reason why women find a good number of us Pan Africanist types full of nonsense and just as bad as those found on corners.The solutions are simple. We need to hold one another to the standards we are kicking. If I say I am ACTIVELY conscious, I implore those who are on my side to hold me accountable. Reciprocity dictates that I do the same for them. If there are snakes in our temple, we need to flush them out. We need to shun these charlatans and exile them. We know how to do it, we do it to the sisters all the time. We need to give our sisters breathing room. Heck, we need to give them air time on the mic at those lectures. We also need lend a hand in child rearing and household chores. It's about balance right? We must never justify spousal abuse. I often hear too many of joke about it or attempt to justify it.

In the end, it is all about uplifting our community. That is what we need to remember. We are on the same team. It won't work without one another.



Dan Tres Omi
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